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Quotes to Make You Laugh

Laughter is undoubtedly good for your health. Sometimes, however, it is hard to break a smile. Monday mornings at work come to mind. Well, here are some quotes that can tackle even the Monday morning blues.

1. Rodney Dangerfield - My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

2. George Bush - I'm not the expert on how the Iraqi people think, because I live in America, where it's nice and safe and secure.

3. Steven Wright - Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

4. Henny Youngman - A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

5. Dave Attell - You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike

6. Steven Wright - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

7. Rodney Dangerfield - A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

8. George Bush - The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done.

9. Bill Maher - Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

10. Steven Wright - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Steven Wright - Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. Dave Attell - You ever get drunk and pass out... or as I call it 'time travel'?

13. George Bush - To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say: You, too, can be president of the United States.

14. Rodney Dangerfield - I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

15. Steven Wright - Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

If life is getting you down, fight back. Read a joke or funny saying each day. Even on the worst of days, it will provide you with a little glimmer of relief. A laugh a day keeps the mental institution away!